So, on the usual HN reading, I went through the rabbithole and found a perfect analytics platform: GoatCounter.

It is a single binary, written in Go, easy to self-host, quick to build with NixOS, and collects so little data, it does not even need GDPR notice!¹

So, I'm trying this out. Of course, if uBlock origin decides to block it, out it goes. We'll see.